Resilience

Resilience is a very important trait to leave with our children, but is there any way to teach it? And further, is there a way to measure that it has been taught? I can guarantee you that each of your children will one day experience some sort of failure. As a parent, you probably feel failure on a regular and ongoing basis. So what separates the resilient from those that don't bounce back?

Martin Seligman and Donald Hiroto published an experiment that was first done in 1975 and then replicated many times since. They divided subjects into three different groups. The first group was subjected to a loud noise that they could stop by pushing a button. The second group was also subjected to a loud noise, but they were unable to stop it, no matter how hard they tried. The third group, the control group, was not exposed to any noise at all. The following day, each of these groups was exposed to a new situation that involved noise. To turn the noise off, participants only had to move their hands about 12 inches. People from the first and third groups readily learned how to stop the noise, but only about a third from the second group learned to turn the sound off. The other two-thirds that failed to turn off the noise in phase one expected failure again this time, so they become passive and didn't even try.

What is the difference between group participants who succeeded and those that gave up? According to Martin Seligman, the key trait is optimism. People who don't give up interpret setbacks as "temporary, local, and changeable." They feel as if any bad situation will go away quickly or that they can do something to improve it.

Watch your kids the next time they experience failure. Instead of protecting them from the failure, encourage them to be optimistic and to feel that they can change their situation by doing something different next time.

More Information

Here are some links that you can use for more information.

US News and World Report provides some very pragmatic advice for guiding your child's "self-talk." This can help prevent negative feelings from becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
Teaching Resilience with Positive Education


The University of Pennsylvania has a page that explains some different ways to incorporate positive psychology into a curriculum. For example, the Three Good Things exercise. Students write down three good things that happened each day for a week. Beside each positive event, they answer one of the following questions.

• Why did this good thing happen?
• What does this mean to you?
• How can you have more of this good thing in the future?

Teaching Resilience


The VIA Strength Survey for Children is a way for parents to measure their children's strengths so they can encourage the use of those strengths in challenging situations. You do need to register and log in to take the exam.
Strength Survey for Children


The Harvard Business Review provides a discussion on Martin Seligman's study that was discussed in the article.
Building Resilience